Metro NY DBT Center

Serving New York & New Jersey

Inspirations

Week of March 7th

FLOW

Can you think of a time when you felt completely engaged and in touch with what you were doing? Maybe you were playing music, participating in a performance, playing a sport, drawing, reading, writing, exercising?

What was that experience like for you? You might have been so focused and involved in the task that anything outside of it was out of your awareness. Time may have also seemed to fly by with ease. This experience is what a psychologist named Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes as a flow state.

In DBT, we discuss the ability to access a flow state through utilizing our mindfulness skills. Our WHAT and HOW skills are integral in entering this state, especially participation and one mindfulness. A time where we throw ourselves into full participation and one mindfulness is a time that we are less likely to experience self-consciousness, and more likely to experience joy and a sense of fulfillment.

Csikszentmihalyi suggests that we are also more prone to enter a flow state when the task is a balance between being challenged and being reasonable given our level of expertise. Building mastery is a DBT skill that encourages participating in a task that feels both challenging and appropriate based on our skill level. A flow state is very similar. Over time, as we increase our skill level, we also want to increase the difficulty of the task we are engaging in. This maintains our ability to access a flow state and foster feelings of accomplishment towards ourselves.

I have recently started to play the piano again. The last time I played was about 10 years ago and my skill level has decreased since then. When I first picked up the piano after years of not playing, I had the urge to play a song that was more challenging (Viva La Vida by Coldplay). I soon realized that attempting to play this song was prompting more frustration than enjoyment. I then decided to switch to a more reasonable song (Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole). I quickly became fully engaged and felt one with the music. All that my mind was focused on was my fingers swiftly gliding along the piano keys as the tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow radiated from the speaker. An hour of me playing the song over and over again passed with ease. This experience is an example of a state of flow.

Over the next week, we’d like you to think about what activity might lead you to experience a flow state. Let’s see if we can pick one activity to fully participate in this week and we encourage you to consider one where you could build mastery. Sometimes we may have to do a bit of trial and error. We hope to hear about your experience exploring a flow state this week!

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

 

TED TALK

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY
Recycled Wind Chime Craft


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Week of February 28th

BEHAVIOR CHANGE

Why is it so hard to implement behavior change, especially when we know that doing so would benefit our well-being?
 
In DBT, we often ask the question, “What is the function of this behavior?” In other words, what purpose does the behavior serve? This principle applies, even towards behaviors that we identify as ineffective, harmful, or maladaptive. We conduct chain analyses to help us understand what leads to and reinforces or strengthens the behavior. Whether the behavior falls under addiction, self-harm, or interpersonal ineffectiveness, we find the kernel of truth within the behavior. For example, substance use, though ineffective in the long-term, can provide immediate short-term gratification, such as relief, avoidance of suffering, and elevated mood. Hence, one of the reasons why change can be so challenging is that the function of the behavior can override all other factors.
 

Behaviors, particularly those that have been repeatedly practiced and automatized, get solidified via neural pathways. Habits become hard-wired in the brain. As the expression goes, “Neurons that fire together, get wired together.” Creating neural pathways when we execute novel patterns of cognitions, emotions, and actions require conscious and intentional effort. It may feel effortful to try something new when familiar pathways are much easier to access and fall back to.

 

Our environment contributes to reinforcement of old behavior patterns. The way we manage our emotions heavily depends upon our transaction with the environment. How people interact with us, what they say, and whether they validate us in turn impacts how we communicate and act towards others. Imagine a toddler verbalizing to their parent a need for attention. Initially, the parent ignores, dismisses, and invalidates the toddler. Only when the toddler starts screaming, crying, and threatening to engage in destructive behaviors does the parent begin to provide attention. In this example, we see how the behaviors of screaming, crying, and threatening to engage in destructive behaviors are reinforced because the parent attends to the toddler only when these behaviors are exhibited. When the toddler shows lower-level activation of affect (i.e., verbalizing the need for attention), that behavior is not reinforced and potentially gets extinguished.
 
An additional factor that makes it difficult to change behaviors is our attachment to them. In mindfulness, attachment is a principle that underlies human suffering. While it is human nature to cling onto the pleasure and avoid pain, the dialectic is that this human tendency also exacerbates human suffering. In the field of psychology, this pleasure-pain principle is what motivates and drives most behaviors.
 
In the spirit of DBT and raising self-awareness, we hope learning this information will ultimately inspire you to promote behavior change. 

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

 

TED TALK
How to Change Your Behavior for the Better

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY
How to Adopt a New Healthy Habit | Collective Gen


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Week of February 21

VACATION

This week I am feeling refreshed from a recent vacation. Taking some time off from work and my daily demands, allowed me to recharge. In light of this personal positive experience, I will be talking about vacation this week.
 
Vacation can be an extended period of leisure and recreation, especially one spent away from home or in travel. Essentially, it is the act of taking time away from your usual day to day demands. As we know, work life balance is extremely important to maintaining our health, and avoiding so called “burn out”. So how can we practice taking vacations more often?
 
In DBT we teach a concept called brief vacation. This skill teaches us how to take breaks, or mini vacations, in order to take a step back from stress and overwhelm. For example, you might schedule a 15 min break in between meetings to sip your favorite smoothie and look out the window on a sunny day. Or perhaps you set aside a whole hour to soak in a bubble bath while listening to relaxing music. The trick is to fully participate while taking your mini vacation. Fully participating allows us to relax and unwind. When we return to our normal routine, we often feel less tense and more balanced.
 
If you are able to take an actual vacation, go for it! Soaking up the sun on an island is my ideal idea of a vacation. I can’t do that all of the time, so I come up with smaller breaks that I can do from my house. What would be your dream vacation? If you can’t travel, what else can you do from wherever you are now? We would love to hear how you plan to practice taking vacation!
 

WORDS OF WISDOM

 

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

 
TED TALK
How to take a vacation without leaving your own home

 

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY
Boredom Buster Jars


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Week of February 14th

CLIMBING

When you think about your “comfort zone”, what comes to mind?  For many, this may be a familiar routine, or a place that feels predictable, safe and secure. Having a familar place or safe zone makes sense. Early in development, we are typically trained to find ways to minimize stress and risk. Biologically we are also wired to seek new and challenging opportunities.  In what ways you push yourself outside of such “comfort zone”?  Where do you find challenge and tackle adversity?  These questions may be harder to answer as stepping outside of our comfort zones can be emotionally distressing.  In DBT, we talk about balancing comfort and challenge at the same time.  This balance allows us to reach our goals and to learn that high emotion is not a reason to stay in comfort at all times.

Recently, I have taken up rock climbing where this dialectic is consistently present.  Climbing is a series of challengings. Every move is methodical, prompting you to think with your body, just as much as your mind.  During my time climbing, I have noticed that fear can sometimes get in the way of effectively ascending up the wall to reach my goal.  For many of us, fear gets in the way of challenging ourselves.  As a result, we begin to develop negative beliefs about ourselves and the challenge itself so we start to second-guessing our ability.  These are the moments when staying in our “comfort zone” is a very appealing option. Yet, what I have found through climbing, is that fear should be understood. It should provide insightful feedback to the mind/body but it should not be used as an excuse to runaway or give-up.  Exposure to small doses of emotional discomfort, increases our awareness of our emotional experiences and our ability to manage through them. What a great way to increase feelings of accomplishment and competency.

This week, we encourage you to step outside of your “comfort zone” and climb to the height of something difficult. Trust me the view from the top is worth it.  We would like to hear from you!  What are ways you are stepping outside of your “comfort zone” and into something challenging, new or unpredictable?

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

 

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

 

TED TALK
Choosing to Fly by Steph Davis

 

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY
Journal: Get outside your comfort zone


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Week of January 31st

TURN THE MIND

After seven Super Bowl victories over a two decade professional football career, Tom Brady has decided to retire. We can’t underestimate the enormity of his decision. For 22 years, Brady fully participated in his football career. Each of the 365 days of the year he had to be aware how his behaviors, his habits, his emotions would impact him (and his teammates) on the football field. Like many individuals who have fully participated in anything (whether it is a career, a habit, an activity, etc), change brings the challenge of uncertainty.
 
Even if you are not a football fan, we can all appreciate the difficulty of change.  Entering DBT can feel like a daunting change as well. Building motivation and commitment to build a life worth living in this treatment can call for a similar challenge….not knowing what is next.  When we make such decisions, the uncertainty of change can feel overwhelming. Some will feel excitement and seize the opportunity whereas some will feel fear and fight the change. However, fighting change often leads to suffering. In order to find peace of mind, one benefits from a posture that is open and accepting.  It’s natural to fight the reality. Yet, to be accepting, we need to turn the mind.
 
In DBT we are often faced with the challenge of change and uncertainty.  Have you practiced the challenge of changing your posture and turning your mind?

 

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

 

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

PODCASTS
Turning the Mind with Stephen Colbert
 
TED TALK

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY
Bullet Journal Habit Tracker

 

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Week of January 24th

ALTERNATE REBELLION

DBT is a treatment founded on a series of principles, guidelines, and other structural components that can be reassuring for many clients and clinicians but off-putting to others. Emotion dysregulation and behavioral dyscontrol can be the consequence of ones relationship to rules, structure, and expectations. So many of us are eager to “follow the rules”, but might find ourselves either not understanding what the rules are, or feeling uncertain about our role in their context. For those of us who are unmotivated by rules and structure, we may lean toward the side of the dialectic of challenging convention. Mislabeled the “bad kids”, these folks are potentially more vulnerable to being misunderstood as misfits and therefore easy to abandon. The beauty of DBT is when we observe “rebel” behavior in our clients or in ourselves, our principle of Acceptance prompts us to get curious about its function. In this process we can uncover a range of possibilities: a fight/flight response, an urge for creativity, or perhaps an underlying biological dilemma.

In our experience, even the convention-phobic folks have the human instinct for belonging. Under this assumption, we can believe that one can be both a rule-breaker and function within social and occupational expectations. DBT wants us to embrace adhering to systemic principles (society didn’t grow because everyone followed all the rules all the time) and breaking the rules in meaningful ways that don’t interfere with our life worth living. Using Alternate Rebellion, we can express our contrarian edge without the consequence of self-destruction.

What rules do you have the urge to break? Are there consequences? Do you care? How else could you rebel?

 

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

 

MEME OF THE WEEK

 


BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY
Childhood Coloring Outside the Lines

 

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Week of January 17th

COMMITMENT

As we settle into the new year, it is normal to experience emotional changes as the excitement of starting anew gives way to waves of greater fatigue and lesser motivation.  Beginning a new year can come with big expectations and hopes. Whether you have set resolutions and a game plan for the year, or loosely set intentions, we are here to acknowledge the challenges that arise with staying motivated and committed to a goal.

Commitment comes and goes, just as our thoughts and feelings do. Our level of commitment to specific goals in our lives can vary based on several factors. For example, we can feel a strong level of commitment to attend a morning workout, and then a snow storm hits over night and our commitment lowers as we think about trucking through the snow. External factors not only play a role in shifting our level of commitment to goals, but also our internal sensations and feelings. Feeling over or under aroused internally can shift how we interact with our commitment to goals. Sometimes we can make mood-dependent choices that may provide short term relief to immediate discomfort, but may move us further away from the longer term goals we are working towards.

This week at Metro we are revisiting our commitment to goals. In DBT, we talk about active problem solving as a way to move the needle when we want to be different in our lives. When feeling a burst of commitment fatigue, we invite you to revisit the steps of problem solving as a way to elicit a recommitment towards your goals. First, redefine your goal clearly and specifically.  Often, we start engaging in behaviors or solutions that do not line up with the goal we originally identified. Returning to defining the problem that generated the goal is an essential step in recommitment. Next, review your action steps.  It is common that when we map out a goal and objective, we sometimes become overly enthusiastic and set very high expectations.  Allow yourself to review your goal and set plan to determine  if the objective is achievable and realistic. Finally, stay mindful. Can you create a way to actualize your goal and stay aware of progress? Have you shared the goal with anyone else? What are ways to positively reinforce yourself? Can you come up with a self encouraging mantra to stick to?  We look forward to hearing from you about your relationship to commitment.

 

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

 

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

TED TALK

 

PODCAST
What is Act Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by PsychCentral.com

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY

Journaling by SilkandSonder.com

 

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Week of January 10th

CONNECTING WITH YOUR TRUE SELF

       In a branch of psychology, there is a widely held notion that all human beings are innately born good and that we have the capacity to actualize the best version of ourselves. Ultimately, the ability to reduce our suffering lies internally because we hold the greatest power in implementing change and building a life worth living.

However, we regularly forget our innate goodness due to the ways we have been conditioned to think, feel, and behave. For example, it may be challenging for those of us who ineffectively react to anger to remember that underneath our biosocial history of emotion dysregulation exists our organic goodness. Those of us who regularly engage in impulsive behaviors may have difficulty seeing beyond the destructiveness of our behaviors. Even those of us who accumulate positive emotions and engage in contribution (ACCEPTS) may struggle to experientially recognize this concept.

Discovering this truth requires intentional undoing and unlearning. We may need to reevaluate some of the beliefs and values we had once adopted as well as become more familiar with our being mind vs. our doing mind. One great way to practice is through mindfulness, or the act of observing and describing our present-day experience in a nonjudgmental and objective manner. Other ways are spending time alone or in silence, journaling, and engaging in hobbies that we genuinely enjoy, all of which we can collaboratively participate in with another person or group. Importantly, the skill of recognizing and living according to your true self requires practice, patience, and intention.

Let us celebrate the homecoming of our true selves.

 

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

 

MEME OF THE WEEK

 

TED TALK

 

PODCAST
How to Identify Your Negative Emotions by Dr. Laura Santos

BOOK OF THE WEEK
(Click below to Purchase Book)

ACTIVITY

Fun end of year activity

 

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