Inspirations

We are three weeks away from declaring one year in a pandemic. For many of us, this anniversary prompts grief, loss, and sadness. For others, it can be an opportunity to reflect on progress, change, and perspective, and may motivate us to set goals.  Both of these states of minds are valid. In the next couple of weeks leading up to the one year mark, we are reminded of an important dialectic; being mind versus doing mind.

Being mind is the awareness, acceptance, and curiosity of your physical and emotional self. In this state of mind we practice mindfulness of our current emotions as a way to notice our experiences without an agenda. In doing so we are able to focus on the uniqueness of each moment and allow our thoughts, emotions, urges, and sensations to be as they are. Being mind can be challenging. At the same time, it allows us to discover what is needed for our bodies and our minds.

There are several ways we can practice getting into our being mind. First, we allow ourselves to be present with our current emotions, thoughts, and sensations. Our goal is to notice without judgment and to focus on feeling versus doing. As a way to help guide us through this practice, we use our breath. Breathing serves as an important grounding agent to help us fully participate in the present moment. While in being mind, try breathing in for five counts and out for seven.

As acknowledged previously, amidst the upcoming one year mark of the pandemic, we honor that there may be an urge to plan, make changes, take action, and set goals. While this is a beneficial state of mind, we want to also acknowledge the importance of leaning into our being mind and tapping into the mindfulness of our current emotions. How are you finding stillness in your day? How are you stopping to notice how you are feeling? What is it like to be aware of your current emotions? Lastly, how are you using your breath to stay in the present moment?

With Valentine’s Day this past weekend, we figured love is in the air. What does love mean to you? Of course, love means different things to each of us. For many, love is a deep commitment and connection to someone or something. For some, love originates from within.  For others, love can be experienced from others or by oneself. Love isn’t only a feeling; it is an active experience.

How do you show love? Maybe its in the way you cook. Maybe its in the calls you make to check in. Love can be found in doing homework with kids or zoom calls with grandparents. Perhaps you show love by volunteering at your local food pantry. Some of us love ourselves in meditation and mindfulness disciplines.

Where do you love? We hope you have found at least one area of your life to build love. Over time, love can be found in your heart, in your homes and in your behavior. Love is a knowing beyond walls and specific relationships. Love is the mindful participation in your life that may lead to expanding your own experience in the world.

This week, as you experience love, we invite you to practice the DBT skill of mindfulness of your current emotion. When we practice this skill we can stand back and let go of distractions. Using this skill can increase our practice of kindness and compassion. Mindfulness of love can have the added benefit of reducing distress.

The National Weather Center said last weeks winter storm was a “powerful nor’easter”. Six days later the East Coast of the United States was blessed with, yet again, a nor’easter. Such storms have always been a part of winter in the Northeast. For some, two significant storms result in a great snowball fight and larger than life snowmen. For others, two nor’easters in one week, during a pandemic, feels particularly overwhelming.  The forces of nature are providing many of us significant challenges.

For some the challenges we face are external. Our commute is slower, our heat is more costly, and our sidewalks need to be shoveled. For some the forces of nature push up against our internal obstacles. Our mood is lower, we are noticing more loneliness and our movement is minimal.

How do we manage our mood when nature and the environment are so intense? We use the opportunity to practice mindfulness of the energy, formidability and color of our environment. It can also be a time to soothe ourselves with warmth, playful activities and cooking.  Above all we should practice radical acceptance of the normative forces of nature and take on the challenges it presents.

In addition to change, hope, and progress, there were events in January that reminded us of the importance of perseverance. As we thought on what it is to persevere, of course our DBT minds began to wonder, “well, what gets in the way of that in the first place?” I bet we all have an answer, and can list a number of obstacles to continuing on in the presence of difficulty. This week we would like you to consider the role judgments might play in your effort to persevere.

Judgments serve important functions when we factor in the role it plays in safety, values, and opinions. Simultaneously, chronic patterns of negative judgments of our/others problems, situations, behavior, etc., can lead us down a path of Active Passivity. Active Passivity is the opposite of perseverance in that we are avoiding being effective in problem-solving challenges. By choosing to persevere, we radically accept adversity, say ‘yes’ to problem-solving, and let go of stewing in judgments in the process.

If you were to let go of negative judgments of yourself and others, what problems could you solve? What do negative judgments help you to avoid?

Here we are, about one month into a New Year. Some of you may be thinking, “has anything changed?”, “is anything different?”, “am I falling short on my goals?”. As we discussed last week, these thoughts and questions are valid in the presence of change and transition. It is so human to lean towards questioning, judging, criticizing and evaluating ourselves and others when we are experience newness. However, what we know is that this type of mindset escalates our emotions and narrows our thinking. What if we try pivoting towards a mindset of “what is working?”. In the spirit of this shift, we ask you this week to be mindful of positives and reflect on the progress within and around you.

Progress can be a fatiguing concept to reflect on. We are often flooded with negative thoughts about ourselves or distracted by the sensation of lack of forward movement. We understand. Typically, the interference of our negative thoughts and difficult emotions serve as a barrier to seeing the positives- what is working, and what is going well.  Mindfulness of positives is a critical DBT skill that helps us redirect our negative thoughts back to the positive experience at hand. When we think about experiencing progress, we want to first identify what is working. Think about the small, tangible and concrete things that are going well, that are working for you, and that are impacting your future. Second, begin to cultivate those experiences more often and frequently into your life. So very often, we forget that we play an active role in creating our outcomes. Let us start to create positive experiences that lead to positive emotions. Once we have identified what is working well and have started to build these experiences into our lives, it is critical to stay mindful of these positive moments, fully participate in them and be unmindful of worries that will distract from the positive. The goal of this skill and the process of reflecting on progress is to allow ourselves to see what we are doing well, what is working, and what is allowing ourselves to move forward.

This week, we would like to hear from you. How are you mindfully reflecting on progress? What are positive experiences you are building into your life? How are you staying mindful of the positives?